


Lemonades

by Mchel (gelishoes)



Category: Dan Howell - Fandom, Phan, Phandom, Phil Lester - Fandom, Youtubers
Genre: Fanfic, Feels, M/M, Phan - Freeform, Phan AU, Phan Angst, Phanfiction, Pheels, phanfic
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2017-01-21
Updated: 2017-01-21
Packaged: 2018-09-18 23:05:07
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,119
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/9406901
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/gelishoes/pseuds/Mchel
Summary: Lemonades can be sweet, and can be sour - or bitter even. It depends what you eat, or what you put. Just like life, there's sweet, sour, bitter or either bittersweet ending.





	

**Author's Note:**

> Phan Alternate Universe

He threw himself on the couch and closed his eyes to breathe slowly, trying to catch his breath.

He jumped in shock as someone tapped his arms, he looked at the direction where he is.

"You are the worst person ever." As he said to him.

Dan, his best friend, just laughed and smirked after.

He curiously looked at his best friend, but he just ignored Phil's actions. He just stared to his best friend's browsing position.

Phil felt something strange, so he stood up and walked into his own room.

He logged in to his Tumblr and just surfed through.

As he was staring into a picture, he suddenly imagined something then shook his head disagreeing.

It can't be and it won't be.

He just closed his laptop and just stared to his ceiling.

What if it really is? Then all of what we've done is gone.

He should not have thought about that. He's a precious cinnamon roll and little ray of sunshine! Therefore, he's a person after all - he can feel negative feelings, not positive always.

He just thought about what happened earlier.

*

As we're now heading back to home, Dan thought about having a race.

I looked at him curiously. As of what I thought, Dan never ever exercise nor run. What's with him today?

I just agreed, and me, as a former named Lightning Legs, I won.

But Dan, being a cheater (as always), tripped me when I tried to run upstairs.

I just threw myself on the couch and closed my eyes, trying to catch my breath.

_That cheater._

I just sighed.

*

He's okay about what happened earlier. What is he's worrying now was about his thought earlier.

He just closed his eyes and reminisce his past with Dan, his best friend.

But he was suddenly shook by something, which made him jump and sat up from his bed. He looked around and he was in...

_A hospital?_

"Doctor! He's awake!" His mother shouted while crying happily.

His mother looked at him with a smile while tears glisten her face, but, it was suddenly gone when he collapsed and fell unconscious again.

The only thing he last heard was when a door flew open and a loud beep from a machine.

*

He _was_ happy.

Everything about him changed when _reality_ just slapped him on his face so hard that he wants to kill himself.

Yes, he has come to the point that he _wants_ to kill himself.

"He's gone." He suddenly whispered while tears race down on his cheeks.

"He's fucking gone!" He shouted while hands over his head.

His mother tried to touch him but he shook it off away.

He doesn't want any _human_ to touch him anymore. Never.

"W-Who's _he_ , P-Philip?" His mother stuttered in fear that his son will shout at him again.

"Dan Howell," He cried.

"W-Who?"

"Daniel fucking James Howell!" He shouted.

Her eyes widened in fear and bits her lower lip to shut herself, stopping herself to speak again so that his son won't shout at him.

"He... He's my best friend, and I'm only his best fucking friend!" He shouted again.

"Y-You never h-had a b-best friend named D-Dan, P-Philip." She cried.

"I _had_!"

"I-It must b-be your s-schizo - "

"Can you stop mentioning that word!"

"I-I'm s-so - "

"Your sorry can not mend my broken mind and heart!" He cried.

She cried loudly and turned her heels to walk away.

He brushed his hair in anger.

_How come all of this are just a dream? It can't be fake! I can still feel the cuddles we did with each other!_

He cried again but its louder than before, he just wants to release his anger by crying all of his tears out.

*

He stared at his laptop, his keys laying on the keyboard.

He's curious, and he wants to prove to everyone that _he's_ real.

Huffing a sigh, he typed his username.

**danisnotonfire**

_Did you mean:_

\-  -   -

He clicked images and found nothing.

It made Phil's eyes water.

Then he typed his name.

**Dan Howell**

He found a one article, he clicked it.

_A boy named Dan Howell in Manchester, England found dead on his room by 13:04._

_He tied a rope around his neck and the police found a bottle of pills laying on the floor, then they found a flesh scar on his wrists and a bloody knife on the table._

_His parents were shocked -_

His reading trace was stopped when a water of tears fills his eyes.

He angrily close his laptop and lay on his bed, curling like a ball and crying his soul out.

 _All of it was just a lie_.

How come? He was with him, but when he tried to _reminisce_ , he was stopped by unfair reality by slapping him across his face.

He looked at his side bed drawer, where a knife and rope was hidden.

He gulped.

He sat and stared to his mirror.

He's so pale, bags under his eyes, icy, soulless and deep eyes, dry lips, and a broken heart.

He looked at the glass placed on his side bed drawer.

He took a sip and making an expression to the sour and bitter taste lingered on his tongue. He placed back the glass and thought,

_It was sweet at first, but when you finish it, the sour and bitterness appears then it lingers and tastes like shit._

It's just like his life right now.

It was all sweet and happiness when his imaginative mind created a wonderful scenes and events, but then it was ruined by reality and all of it was changed to bitter, sour, sadness, and anger - or maybe _hopelessness_ even.

He slides open his drawer and grabbed the knife first, he placed it on the top of his drawer and then grabbed the rope next.

His letter to everyone was already finished, and his chair and hook is already there in front of him, welcoming and waiting him.

He cried to his thoughts.

_My_ _first meeting, watching movies, playing games, cuddles with him - everything._

It was all gone and he can't do it again.

He's already dead - and he will be the next too.

He tied the rope on the hook, and he stood on the floor, looking at the rope, swinging and waiting for him.

He grabbed the knife and cut his wrists, he winced and cried in pain - but it will be _worthy_.

He dropped the knife and hung his neck on the rope while crying.

Then he kicked the chair, he choked in pain and lacks of air.

The last thing he saw before he died, was the words he cuts on his wrists.

_I love you Dan_

**Author's Note:**

> Oh god. I'm sorry in advance if it made you cringe or cry (?).


End file.
